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What do you do if someone you know or work with has a bad attitude or poor habit of doing something? A leader’s and parent’s job often includes mastering human relations by changing people’s attitudes and behavior.

In the last article I shared the “12 Ways to Win People to Your Way of Thinking ” from Dale Carnegie’s How to Win Friends and Influence People.*

In this article, I share the remaining nine Dale Carnegie principles that can help you to be a leader who changes people without giving offense or arousing resentment.

Whether in business or your personal life, these following principles really work wonders to improve potentially destructive attitudes and behaviors.

9 Ways to Be a Leader:

How to Change People Without Giving Offense or Arousing Resentment

(Click on each principle to read a brief synopsis)

  1. Begin with praise and honest appreciation.
  2. Call attention to people’s mistakes indirectly.
  3. Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person.
  4. Ask questions instead of giving direct orders.
  5. Let the other person save face.
  6. Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement. Be “hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise.”
  7. Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to.
  8. Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct.
  9. Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest.

Enjoy mastering the art and science of human relations. Read more

Navigating today’s social and political climate which appears to be raging with divergent points of view takes mastery in human relations. Below are twelve common sense principles that can help.

In the last article I shared the “9 Ways to Be a Friendlier Person” from Dale Carnegie’s How to Win Friends and Influence People.*

In this article I share the next twelve principles that can help you win people to your way of thinking (and still be friends). Whether in business or your personal life, these principles really work wonders to create alignment and mutual agreement.

12 Ways to Win People to Your Way of Thinking

(Click on each principle to read a brief synopsis)

  1. The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.
  2. Show respect for the other person’s opinions. Never say, “You’re wrong.”
  3. If your are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.
  4. Begin in a friendly way.
  5. Get the other person saying “yes, yes” immediately.
  6. Let the other person do a great deal of the talking.
  7. Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers.
  8. Try honestly to see things from the other person’s point of view.
  9. Be sympathetic with the other person’s ideas and desires.
  10. Appeal to the nobler motives.
  11. Dramatize your ideas.
  12. Throw down a challenge.

Enjoy mastering the art and science of human relations. Read more

Master the art and science of human relations. Do you want to be successful in business and life? Then it takes mastery in dealing with people.

This is an important time in history to show extreme kindness and compassion toward each other. To connect deeply.

Seeing so many people in attack mode these days can be disheartening. Maybe it’s time we remember the basics of human relations much like baseball players will return to the fundamentals of their swing when in a slump.

This summer I have enjoyed a great summer read that is as meaningful and relevant today as when it was published over 80 years ago—How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie.* I hope you have enjoyed the 30 principles I have shared over the past several months.

I thought you would enjoy an encapsulation of the principles. Whether in business or your personal life, these first nine principles will help you generate a magnetic, attractive personality.

3 Fundamental Techniques in Handling People

(Click on each principle to read a brief synopsis)

  1. Don’t criticize, condemn or complain
  2. Give honest and sincere appreciation
  3. Arouse in the other person an eager want

6 Ways to Make People Like You

(Click on each principle to read a brief synopsis)

  1. Become genuinely interested in other people.
  2. Smile.
  3. Remember that a person’s name is to him or her the sweetest and most important sound in any language.
  4. Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.
  5. Talk in terms of the other person’s interests.
  6. Make the other person feel important—and do it sincerely.

Enjoy mastering the art and science of human relations. Read more

“Assume a virtue, if you have it not.”

~Shakespeare

 

 

 

Human Relations Principle #28: Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to.”

(“Give a dog a good name.”)

(This is the twenty-eighth in a series of articles where I will encapsulate each of Dale Carnegie’s timeless, life-changing principles for dealing with people. (Adapted from How to Win Friends and Influence People.))*

If you want to improve a person in a certain respect, act as though that particular trait were already one of his or her outstanding characteristics.

It might be well to assume and state openly that other people have the virtue you want them to develop. Give them a fine reputation to live up to, and they will make prodigious efforts rather than see you disillusioned.

There’s an old saying: “Give a dog a bad name and you may as well hang him.” But give him a good name—and see what happens.

What to do when a good worker begins to turn in shoddy work . . .

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Human Relations Principle #25: Ask questions instead of giving direct orders.

(“No one likes to take orders.”)

 

(This is the twenty-fifth in a series of articles where I will encapsulate each of Dale Carnegie’s timeless, life-changing principles for dealing with people. (Adapted from How to Win Friends and Influence People.))*

To be an effective leader, ask questions instead of giving direct orders.

When we ask questions, instead of giving orders, we give people the opportunity to do things themselves instead of taking away their accountability by telling them to do things; let them do them, let them learn from their mistakes. Give suggestions, not orders by asking questions like: Read more

Human Relations Principle #23: Call attention to people’s mistakes indirectly.

(“How to criticize—and not be hated for it.”)

 

(This is the twenty-third in a series of articles where I will encapsulate each of Dale Carnegie’s timeless, life-changing principles for dealing with people. (Adapted from How to Win Friends and Influence People.))*

Calling attention to one’s mistakes indirectly works wonders with sensitive people who may resent bitterly any direct criticism.

Simply changing one three-letter word can often spell the difference between failure and success in changing people without giving offense or arousing resentment. Many people begin their criticism with sincere praise followed by the word “but”  and ending with a critical statement. The word “but” has the psychological effect of negating what was said before it. When we hear the word “but” our mind and body go into defensive mode preparing for the hurtful criticism that is to come. It is much more effective to change the word “but” to “and.”

How to help your children improve their grades and their self-confidence

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Human Relations Principle #22: Begin with praise and honest appreciation.

(“If you must find fault, this is the way to begin.”)

 

(This is the twenty-second in a series of articles where I will encapsulate each of Dale Carnegie’s timeless, life-changing principles for dealing with people. (Adapted from How to Win Friends and Influence People.))*

Beginning with praise is like the dentist who begins his or her work with Novocain. The patient still gets a drilling, but the Novocain is pain-killing.

It is always easier to listen to unpleasant things after we have heard some praise of our good points.

How Lincoln used tact and diplomacy to correct a General’s grave faults

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“I have never found that pay alone would either bring together or hold good people.

I think it was the game itself.”

~Harvey Firestone

 

 

Human Relations Principle #21: Throw down a challenge.

(“When nothing else works, try this.“)

(This is the twenty-first in a series of articles where I will encapsulate each of Dale Carnegie’s timeless, life-changing principles for dealing with people. (Adapted from How to Win Friends and Influence People.))*

When nothing else seems to work to motivate an individual or team, try throwing down a challenge. Here’s why:

  • Frederic Herzberg, one of the great behavioral scientists of the twentieth century, studied in depth the work attitudes of thousands of people ranging from factory workers to senior executives. The one major factor that motivated people was the work itself. If the work was exciting and interesting, the worker looked forward to doing it and was motivated to do a good job.
  • Charles Schwab discovered that, The way to get things done is to stimulate competition. I do not mean in a sordid, money-getting way, but in the desire to excel.” The desire to excel! The challenge! Throwing down the gauntlet! An infallible way of appealing to people of spirit.

Read more

“A man always has two reasons for doing anything: a good reason and the real reason.”

~J.P. Morgan

 

 

Human Relations Principle #19: Appeal to the nobler motives.

(“An appeal that everybody likes.”)

(This is the nineteenth in a series of articles where I will encapsulate each of Dale Carnegie’s timeless, life-changing principles for dealing with people. (Adapted from How to Win Friends and Influence People.))*

Dale Carnegie was reared on the edge of Jesse James country out in Missouri, and visited the James farm at Kearney, Missouri, where the son of Jesse James was then living. His wife told Dale stories of how Jesse robbed trains and held up banks and then gave money to the neighboring farmers to pay off their mortgages.

Jesse James probably regarded himself as an idealist at heart, just as Dutch Schultz, Al Capone and many other organized crime “godfathers” did generations later. The fact is that all people you meet have a high regard for themselves and like to be fine and unselfish in their own estimation.

J.P. Morgan observed in one of his analytical interludes, that a person usually has two reasons for doing a thing: one that sounds good and a real one. The person will think of the real reason. You don’t need to emphasize that. But all of us, being idealists at heart, like to think of motives that sound good. So, in order to change a person’s decision or behavior, appeal to the nobler motives.

Here are some nobler motives that people hold dear . . . Read more

“Three-fourths of the people you will ever meet are hungering and thirsting for sympathy. Give it to them, and they will love you.”

~Dale Carnegie

 

Human Relations Principle #18: Be sympathetic with the other person’s ideas and desires.

(“What everybody wants.”)

(This is the eighteenth in a series of articles where I will encapsulate each of Dale Carnegie’s timeless, life-changing principles for dealing with people. (Adapted from How to Win Friends and Influence People.))*

When we apologize and sympathize with others’ viewpoints, they tend to apologize and sympathize with ours.

Wouldn’t you like to have a magic phrase that would stop arguments, eliminate ill feeling, create good will, and make the other person listen attentively? Yes? All right. Here it is:

“I don’t blame you one iota for feeling as you do. If I were you I would undoubtedly feel just as you do.”

And you can say that and be 100 percent sincere, because if you were the other person you, of course, would feel just as he or she does.

Remember, the people who come to you irritated, bigoted, unreasoning, deserve very little discredit for being what they are. Feel sorry for the poor devils. Pity them. Sympathize with them. Say to yourself: “There, but for the grace of God, go I.”

When you receive a troubling or condemning letter, email or text that you feel compelled to defend in anger. By all means write out your reply… but don’t send it. Sit on it for two days. Then take it out, read it, and notice that you most likely have less emotion around the situation and a whole new perspective. Probably a different approach, tone and course of action has come to mind that will better serve all concerned.

Dr. Arthur Gates, author of Educational Psychology, said . . . Read more