, , ,

Human Relations Principle #27 to Be a Leader

“Abilities wither under criticism;

they blossom under encouragement.”

~Dale Carnegie

 

 

Human Relations Principle #27: Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement. Be “hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise.”

(“How to spur people on to success.”)

(This is the twenty-seventh in a series of articles where I will encapsulate each of Dale Carnegie’s timeless, life-changing principles for dealing with people. (Adapted from How to Win Friends and Influence People.))*

We all crave appreciation and recognition, and will do almost anything to get it. But nobody wants insincerity. Nobody wants flattery. When praise is specific, it comes across as sincere—not something the other person may be saying just to make one feel good.

If you and I will inspire the people with whom we come in contact to a realization of the hidden treasures they possess, we can do far more than change people. We can literally transform them.

What psychologists have discovered about praise, criticism, and human potential . . .

Read more

/by
, , ,

Human Relations Principle #26 to Be a Leader

“I have no right to say or do anything that diminishes a man in his own eyes. What matters is not what I think of him, but what he thinks of himself. Hurting a man in his dignity is a crime.”

~Antoine de Saint-Exupéry

Human Relations Principle #26: Let the other person save face.

(This is the twenty-sixth in a series of articles where I will encapsulate each of Dale Carnegie’s timeless, life-changing principles for dealing with people. (Adapted from How to Win Friends and Influence People.))*

Letting one save face! How important, how vitally important that is! And how few of us ever stop to think of it!

We ride roughshod over the feelings of others, getting in our own way, finding fault, issuing threats, criticizing a child or an employee in front of others, without even considering the hurt to the other person’s pride. Whereas a few minutes’ thought, a considerate word or two, a genuine understanding of the other person’s attitude, would go so far toward alleviating the sting!

Even if we are right and the other person is definitely wrong, we only destroy ego by causing someone to lose face.

How the General Electric Company dealt with a valuable employee . . .

Read more

/by
, , ,

Human Relations Principle #25 to Be a Leader

Human Relations Principle #25: Ask questions instead of giving direct orders.

(“No one likes to take orders.”)

 

(This is the twenty-fifth in a series of articles where I will encapsulate each of Dale Carnegie’s timeless, life-changing principles for dealing with people. (Adapted from How to Win Friends and Influence People.))*

To be an effective leader, ask questions instead of giving direct orders.

When we ask questions, instead of giving orders, we give people the opportunity to do things themselves instead of taking away their accountability by telling them to do things; let them do them, let them learn from their mistakes. Give suggestions, not orders by asking questions like: Read more

/by
, , ,

Human Relations Principle #24 to Be a Leader

Human Relations Principle #24: Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person.

(“Talk about your own mistakes first.”)

 

(This is the twenty-fourth in a series of articles where I will encapsulate each of Dale Carnegie’s timeless, life-changing principles for dealing with people. (Adapted from How to Win Friends and Influence People.))*

It isn’t nearly so difficult to listen to a recital of your faults if the person criticizing begins humbly admitting that he or she, too, is far from impeccable.

Before starting to criticize another person . . .

Before starting to criticize another person we might want to, stop, and reflect on our own experience compared to the other person. Doing so may trigger our thoughts to go something like this, Read more

/by
, , ,

Human Relations Principle #23 to Be a Leader

Human Relations Principle #23: Call attention to people’s mistakes indirectly.

(“How to criticize—and not be hated for it.”)

 

(This is the twenty-third in a series of articles where I will encapsulate each of Dale Carnegie’s timeless, life-changing principles for dealing with people. (Adapted from How to Win Friends and Influence People.))*

Calling attention to one’s mistakes indirectly works wonders with sensitive people who may resent bitterly any direct criticism.

Simply changing one three-letter word can often spell the difference between failure and success in changing people without giving offense or arousing resentment. Many people begin their criticism with sincere praise followed by the word “but”  and ending with a critical statement. The word “but” has the psychological effect of negating what was said before it. When we hear the word “but” our mind and body go into defensive mode preparing for the hurtful criticism that is to come. It is much more effective to change the word “but” to “and.”

How to help your children improve their grades and their self-confidence

Read more

/by
, , ,

Human Relations Principle #22 to Be a Leader

Human Relations Principle #22: Begin with praise and honest appreciation.

(“If you must find fault, this is the way to begin.”)

 

(This is the twenty-second in a series of articles where I will encapsulate each of Dale Carnegie’s timeless, life-changing principles for dealing with people. (Adapted from How to Win Friends and Influence People.))*

Beginning with praise is like the dentist who begins his or her work with Novocain. The patient still gets a drilling, but the Novocain is pain-killing.

It is always easier to listen to unpleasant things after we have heard some praise of our good points.

How Lincoln used tact and diplomacy to correct a General’s grave faults

Read more

/by
, , ,

Human Relations Principle #21 to Win People to Your Way of Thinking

“I have never found that pay alone would either bring together or hold good people.

I think it was the game itself.”

~Harvey Firestone

 

 

Human Relations Principle #21: Throw down a challenge.

(“When nothing else works, try this.“)

(This is the twenty-first in a series of articles where I will encapsulate each of Dale Carnegie’s timeless, life-changing principles for dealing with people. (Adapted from How to Win Friends and Influence People.))*

When nothing else seems to work to motivate an individual or team, try throwing down a challenge. Here’s why:

  • Frederic Herzberg, one of the great behavioral scientists of the twentieth century, studied in depth the work attitudes of thousands of people ranging from factory workers to senior executives. The one major factor that motivated people was the work itself. If the work was exciting and interesting, the worker looked forward to doing it and was motivated to do a good job.
  • Charles Schwab discovered that, “The way to get things done is to stimulate competition. I do not mean in a sordid, money-getting way, but in the desire to excel.” The desire to excel! The challenge! Throwing down the gauntlet! An infallible way of appealing to people of spirit.

Read more

/by
, , ,

Human Relations Principle #20 to Win People to Your Way of Thinking

Human Relations Principle #20: Dramatize your ideas.

Movies do it. TV does it.

Why don’t you do it?

 

(This is the twentieth in a series of articles where I will encapsulate each of Dale Carnegie’s timeless, life-changing principles for dealing with people. (Adapted from How to Win Friends and Influence People.))*

This is the day of dramatization. Merely stating the truth isn’t enough. The truth has to be made vivid, interesting, dramatic. You have to use showmanship. The movies do it. Television does it. And you will have to do it if you want attention.

Choose a fresh approach—something new, something different—to get the other person intensely interested. Convey facts more vividly, more interestingly, more impressively, than pages of figures and mere talk.

You can dramatize your ideas in business or in any other aspect of your life. Dramatization even works with children as well.

How to get your children to pick up their toys . . .

Read more

/by
, , , ,

Human Relations Principle #19 to Win People to Your Way of Thinking

“A man always has two reasons for doing anything: a good reason and the real reason.”

~J.P. Morgan

 

 

Human Relations Principle #19: Appeal to the nobler motives.

(“An appeal that everybody likes.”)

(This is the nineteenth in a series of articles where I will encapsulate each of Dale Carnegie’s timeless, life-changing principles for dealing with people. (Adapted from How to Win Friends and Influence People.))*

Dale Carnegie was reared on the edge of Jesse James country out in Missouri, and visited the James farm at Kearney, Missouri, where the son of Jesse James was then living. His wife told Dale stories of how Jesse robbed trains and held up banks and then gave money to the neighboring farmers to pay off their mortgages.

Jesse James probably regarded himself as an idealist at heart, just as Dutch Schultz, Al Capone and many other organized crime “godfathers” did generations later. The fact is that all people you meet have a high regard for themselves and like to be fine and unselfish in their own estimation.

J.P. Morgan observed in one of his analytical interludes, that a person usually has two reasons for doing a thing: one that sounds good and a real one. The person will think of the real reason. You don’t need to emphasize that. But all of us, being idealists at heart, like to think of motives that sound good. So, in order to change a person’s decision or behavior, appeal to the nobler motives.

Here are some nobler motives that people hold dear . . . Read more

/by
, , ,

Human Relations Principle #18 to Win People to Your Way of Thinking

“Three-fourths of the people you will ever meet are hungering and thirsting for sympathy. Give it to them, and they will love you.”

~Dale Carnegie

 

Human Relations Principle #18: Be sympathetic with the other person’s ideas and desires.

(“What everybody wants.”)

(This is the eighteenth in a series of articles where I will encapsulate each of Dale Carnegie’s timeless, life-changing principles for dealing with people. (Adapted from How to Win Friends and Influence People.))*

When we apologize and sympathize with others’ viewpoints, they tend to apologize and sympathize with ours.

Wouldn’t you like to have a magic phrase that would stop arguments, eliminate ill feeling, create good will, and make the other person listen attentively? Yes? All right. Here it is:

“I don’t blame you one iota for feeling as you do. If I were you I would undoubtedly feel just as you do.”

And you can say that and be 100 percent sincere, because if you were the other person you, of course, would feel just as he or she does.

Remember, the people who come to you irritated, bigoted, unreasoning, deserve very little discredit for being what they are. Feel sorry for the poor devils. Pity them. Sympathize with them. Say to yourself: “There, but for the grace of God, go I.”

When you receive a troubling or condemning letter, email or text that you feel compelled to defend in anger. By all means write out your reply… but don’t send it. Sit on it for two days. Then take it out, read it, and notice that you most likely have less emotion around the situation and a whole new perspective. Probably a different approach, tone and course of action has come to mind that will better serve all concerned.

Dr. Arthur Gates, author of Educational Psychology, said . . . Read more

/by