Human Relations Principle #23 to Be a Leader

Human Relations Principle #23: Call attention to people’s mistakes indirectly.

(“How to criticize—and not be hated for it.”)

(This is the twenty-third in a series of articles where I will encapsulate each of Dale Carnegie’s timeless, life-changing principles for dealing with people. (Adapted from How to Win Friends and Influence People.))*

Calling attention to one’s mistakes indirectly works wonders with sensitive people who may resent bitterly any direct criticism.

Simply changing one three-letter word can often spell the difference between failure and success in changing people without giving offense or arousing resentment. Many people begin their criticism with sincere praise followed by the word “but”  and ending with a critical statement. The word “but” has the psychological effect of negating what was said before it. When we hear the word “but” our mind and body go into defensive mode preparing for the hurtful criticism that is to come. It is much more effective to change the word “but” to “and.”

How to help your children improve their grades and their self-confidence

Since the new school year is beginning, here’s a timely example of how I might apply it with my child and his grades:

Rather than saying this, “We are really proud of you, Joey, for raising your grades this term. But if you had worked harder on your algebra, the results would have been better.”

I might say this instead, “We’re really proud of you, Joey, for raising your grades this term, and by continuing the same conscientious efforts next term, your algebra grade can be up with all the others.”

By using the second approach, Joey would be more likely to accept the praise because there would be no follow-up of an inference of failure. Instead, we have called attention to the behavior we wish to change indirectly, and the chances are he will try to live up to our expectations.

Today, let’s choose to call attention to people’s mistakes indirectly so we achieve improved cooperation and mutual success.

Much success and fulfillment with mastering human relations,

Ray

* The best guide on effective human relations that I have ever encountered is How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie, published in 1936. Prior to writing the book, Carnegie spent 20 years researching the habits of successful people. The book has sold over 30 million copies and is still listed on Amazon’s top 100 best selling books.

Other articles within this series you may enjoy:

3 Fundamental Techniques in Handling People

• Human Relations Principle #1: Don’t criticize, condemn or complain.
• Human Relations Principle #2: Give honest and sincere appreciation.
• Human Relations Principle #3: Arouse in the other person an eager want.

6 Ways to Make People Like You

• Human Relations Principle #4: Become genuinely interested in other people.
• Human Relations Principle #5: Smile.
• Human Relations Principle #6: Remember that a person’s name is to him or her the sweetest and most important sound in any language.
• Human Relations Principle #7: Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.
• Human Relations Principle #8: Talk in terms of the other person’s interests.
• Human Relations Principle #9: Make the other person feel important—and do it sincerely.

12 Ways to Win People to Your Way of Thinking

• Human Relations Principle #10: The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.
• Human Relations Principle #11: Show respect for the other person’s opinions. Never say, “You’re wrong.”
• Human Relations Principle #12: If your are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.
• Human Relations Principle #13: Begin in a friendly way.
• Human Relations Principle #14: Get the other person saying “yes, yes” immediately.
• Human Relations Principle #15: Let the other person do a great deal of the talking.
• Human Relations Principle #16: Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers.
• Human Relations Principle #17: Try honestly to see things from the other person’s point of view.
• Human Relations Principle #18: Be sympathetic with the other person’s ideas and desires.
• Human Relations Principle #19: Appeal to the nobler motives.
• Human Relations Principle #20: Dramatize your ideas.
• Human Relations Principle #21: Throw down a challenge.

9 Ways to Be a Leader: 

How to change people without giving offense or arousing resentment

• Human Relations Principle #22: Begin with praise and honest appreciation.