, , ,

9 Ways to Be a Friendlier Person

Master the art and science of human relations. Do you want to be successful in business and life? Then it takes mastery in dealing with people.

This is an important time in history to show extreme kindness and compassion toward each other. To connect deeply.

Seeing so many people in attack mode these days can be disheartening. Maybe it’s time we remember the basics of human relations much like baseball players will return to the fundamentals of their swing when in a slump.

This summer I have enjoyed a great summer read that is as meaningful and relevant today as when it was published over 80 years ago—How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie.* I hope you have enjoyed the 30 principles I have shared over the past several months.

I thought you would enjoy an encapsulation of the principles. Whether in business or your personal life, these first nine principles will help you generate a magnetic, attractive personality.

3 Fundamental Techniques in Handling People

(Click on each principle to read a brief synopsis)

  1. Don’t criticize, condemn or complain
  2. Give honest and sincere appreciation
  3. Arouse in the other person an eager want

6 Ways to Make People Like You

(Click on each principle to read a brief synopsis)

  1. Become genuinely interested in other people.
  2. Smile.
  3. Remember that a person’s name is to him or her the sweetest and most important sound in any language.
  4. Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.
  5. Talk in terms of the other person’s interests.
  6. Make the other person feel important—and do it sincerely.

Enjoy mastering the art and science of human relations. Read more

/by
, ,

Human Relations Principle #30 to Be a Leader

Human Relations Principle #30: Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest.

(“Make people glad to do what you want.”)

(This is the thirtieth in a series of articles where I will encapsulate each of Dale Carnegie’s timeless, life-changing principles for dealing with people. (Adapted from How to Win Friends and Influence People.))*

Always make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest.

Statesmen and diplomats aren’t the only ones who use this make-a-person-happy-to-do-things-you-want-them-to-do approach.

The effective leader should keep the following guidelines in mind when it is necessary to change attitudes or behavior:

  1. Be sincere. Do not promise anything that you cannot deliver. Forget about the benefits to yourself and concentrate on the benefits to the other person.
  2. Know exactly what it is you want the other person to do.
  3. Be empathetic. Ask yourself what is it the other person really wants.
  4. Consider the benefits that person will receive from doing what you suggest.
  5. Match those benefits to the other person’s wants.
  6. When you make your request, put it in a form that will convey to the other person the idea that he or she personally will benefit.

How Napoleon mastered this principle . . .

Read more

/by
, , ,

Human Relations Principle #29 to Be a Leader

Human Relations Principle #29: Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct.

 

 

(This is the twenty-ninth in a series of articles where I will encapsulate each of Dale Carnegie’s timeless, life-changing principles for dealing with people. (Adapted from How to Win Friends and Influence People.))*

Tell your child, your spouse, or your employee that he or she is stupid or dumb at a certain thing, has no gift for it, and is doing it all wrong, and you have destroyed almost every incentive to try to improve. But use the opposite technique…

  • be liberal with your encouragement,
  • make the thing seem easy to do,
  • let the other person know that you have faith in his or her ability to do it, that he or she has an undeveloped flair for it,

and he or she will practice until the dawn comes in the window in order to excel. Read more

/by
, , ,

Human Relations Principle #28 to Be a Leader

“Assume a virtue, if you have it not.”

~Shakespeare

 

 

 

Human Relations Principle #28: Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to.”

(“Give a dog a good name.”)

(This is the twenty-eighth in a series of articles where I will encapsulate each of Dale Carnegie’s timeless, life-changing principles for dealing with people. (Adapted from How to Win Friends and Influence People.))*

If you want to improve a person in a certain respect, act as though that particular trait were already one of his or her outstanding characteristics.

It might be well to assume and state openly that other people have the virtue you want them to develop. Give them a fine reputation to live up to, and they will make prodigious efforts rather than see you disillusioned.

There’s an old saying: “Give a dog a bad name and you may as well hang him.” But give him a good name—and see what happens.

What to do when a good worker begins to turn in shoddy work . . .

Read more

/by
, , ,

Human Relations Principle #27 to Be a Leader

“Abilities wither under criticism;

they blossom under encouragement.”

~Dale Carnegie

 

 

Human Relations Principle #27: Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement. Be “hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise.”

(“How to spur people on to success.”)

(This is the twenty-seventh in a series of articles where I will encapsulate each of Dale Carnegie’s timeless, life-changing principles for dealing with people. (Adapted from How to Win Friends and Influence People.))*

We all crave appreciation and recognition, and will do almost anything to get it. But nobody wants insincerity. Nobody wants flattery. When praise is specific, it comes across as sincere—not something the other person may be saying just to make one feel good.

If you and I will inspire the people with whom we come in contact to a realization of the hidden treasures they possess, we can do far more than change people. We can literally transform them.

What psychologists have discovered about praise, criticism, and human potential . . .

Read more

/by
, , ,

Human Relations Principle #26 to Be a Leader

“I have no right to say or do anything that diminishes a man in his own eyes. What matters is not what I think of him, but what he thinks of himself. Hurting a man in his dignity is a crime.”

~Antoine de Saint-Exupéry

Human Relations Principle #26: Let the other person save face.

(This is the twenty-sixth in a series of articles where I will encapsulate each of Dale Carnegie’s timeless, life-changing principles for dealing with people. (Adapted from How to Win Friends and Influence People.))*

Letting one save face! How important, how vitally important that is! And how few of us ever stop to think of it!

We ride roughshod over the feelings of others, getting in our own way, finding fault, issuing threats, criticizing a child or an employee in front of others, without even considering the hurt to the other person’s pride. Whereas a few minutes’ thought, a considerate word or two, a genuine understanding of the other person’s attitude, would go so far toward alleviating the sting!

Even if we are right and the other person is definitely wrong, we only destroy ego by causing someone to lose face.

How the General Electric Company dealt with a valuable employee . . .

Read more

/by
, , ,

Human Relations Principle #25 to Be a Leader

Human Relations Principle #25: Ask questions instead of giving direct orders.

(“No one likes to take orders.”)

 

(This is the twenty-fifth in a series of articles where I will encapsulate each of Dale Carnegie’s timeless, life-changing principles for dealing with people. (Adapted from How to Win Friends and Influence People.))*

To be an effective leader, ask questions instead of giving direct orders.

When we ask questions, instead of giving orders, we give people the opportunity to do things themselves instead of taking away their accountability by telling them to do things; let them do them, let them learn from their mistakes. Give suggestions, not orders by asking questions like: Read more

/by
, , ,

Human Relations Principle #24 to Be a Leader

Human Relations Principle #24: Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person.

(“Talk about your own mistakes first.”)

 

(This is the twenty-fourth in a series of articles where I will encapsulate each of Dale Carnegie’s timeless, life-changing principles for dealing with people. (Adapted from How to Win Friends and Influence People.))*

It isn’t nearly so difficult to listen to a recital of your faults if the person criticizing begins humbly admitting that he or she, too, is far from impeccable.

Before starting to criticize another person . . .

Before starting to criticize another person we might want to, stop, and reflect on our own experience compared to the other person. Doing so may trigger our thoughts to go something like this, Read more

/by
, , ,

Human Relations Principle #23 to Be a Leader

Human Relations Principle #23: Call attention to people’s mistakes indirectly.

(“How to criticize—and not be hated for it.”)

 

(This is the twenty-third in a series of articles where I will encapsulate each of Dale Carnegie’s timeless, life-changing principles for dealing with people. (Adapted from How to Win Friends and Influence People.))*

Calling attention to one’s mistakes indirectly works wonders with sensitive people who may resent bitterly any direct criticism.

Simply changing one three-letter word can often spell the difference between failure and success in changing people without giving offense or arousing resentment. Many people begin their criticism with sincere praise followed by the word “but”  and ending with a critical statement. The word “but” has the psychological effect of negating what was said before it. When we hear the word “but” our mind and body go into defensive mode preparing for the hurtful criticism that is to come. It is much more effective to change the word “but” to “and.”

How to help your children improve their grades and their self-confidence

Read more

/by
, , ,

Human Relations Principle #22 to Be a Leader

Human Relations Principle #22: Begin with praise and honest appreciation.

(“If you must find fault, this is the way to begin.”)

 

(This is the twenty-second in a series of articles where I will encapsulate each of Dale Carnegie’s timeless, life-changing principles for dealing with people. (Adapted from How to Win Friends and Influence People.))*

Beginning with praise is like the dentist who begins his or her work with Novocain. The patient still gets a drilling, but the Novocain is pain-killing.

It is always easier to listen to unpleasant things after we have heard some praise of our good points.

How Lincoln used tact and diplomacy to correct a General’s grave faults

Read more

/by