“If you want enemies, excel your friends;

but if you want friends,

let your friends excel you.”

~La Rochefoucauld, French philosopher

 

Human Relations Principle #15: Let the other person do a great deal of the talking.

(“The safety valve in handling complaints.”)

(This is the fifteenth in a series of articles where I will encapsulate each of Dale Carnegie’s timeless, life-changing principles for dealing with people. (Adapted from How to Win Friends and Influence People.))*

Remember the old adage: the creator gave us two ears and one mouth for a reason—to do at least twice as much listening as we do talking.

Most people trying to win others to their way of thinking do too much talking themselves. Let the other people talk themselves out. They know more about their business and problems than you do. So ask them questions. Let them tell you a few things. Read more

“He who treads softly goes far.”

~Chinese Proverb

 

 

 

 

Human Relations Principle #14: Get the other person saying “yes, yes” immediately.

(“The secret of Socrates.”)

(This is the fourteenth in a series of articles where I will encapsulate each of Dale Carnegie’s timeless, life-changing principles for dealing with people. (Adapted from How to Win Friends and Influence People.))*

It doesn’t pay to argue. It is much more profitable and much more interesting to look at things from the other person’s viewpoint and try to get that person saying “yes, yes.”

In talking with people, don’t begin by discussing things on which you differ. Begin by emphasizing—and keep on emphasizing—the things on which you agree. Keep emphasizing, if possible, that you are both striving for the same end and that your only difference is one of method and not of purpose.

The skillful speaker, salesperson and politician gets, at the outset, a number of “Yes” responses. This is the psychological process of moving the listener in the affirmative direction.

Be as Persuasive as Socrates

Read more

Abe Lincoln said, “If a man’s heart is rankling with discord and ill feeling toward you, you can’t win him to your way of thinking with all the logic in Christendom. Scolding parents and domineering bosses and husbands and nagging wives ought to realize that people don’t want to change their minds. They can’t be forced or driven to agree with you or me. But they may possibly be led to, if we are gentle and friendly, ever so gentle and ever so friendly.”

Human Relations Principle #13: Begin in a friendly way.

(“A drop of honey.”)

(This is the thirteenth in a series of articles where I will encapsulate each of Dale Carnegie’s timeless, life-changing principles for dealing with people. (Adapted from How to Win Friends and Influence People.))*

The use of gentleness and friendliness is demonstrated day after day by people who have learned the old maxim that a drop of honey catches more flies than a gallon of gall.

So with men [and women], if you would win a person to your cause, first convince him/her that you are his/her sincere friend. Therein is a drop of honey that catches his/her heart; which, say what you will, is the great high road to his/her reason. Read more

“By fighting you never get enough, but by yielding you get more than you expected.”

~Proverb

 

Human Relations Principle #12: If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.

(This is the twelfth in a series of articles where I will encapsulate each of Dale Carnegie’s timeless, life-changing principles for dealing with people. (Adapted from How to Win Friends and Influence People.))*

Any fool can try to defend his or her mistakes—and most fools do—but it raises one above the herd and gives one a feeling of nobility and exultation to admit one’s mistakes.

Say about yourself all the derogatory things you know the other person is thinking or wants to say or intends to say—and say them before that person has a chance to say them. The chances are a hundred to one that a generous, forgiving attitude will be taken and your mistakes will be minimized.

There is a certain degree of satisfaction in having the courage to admit one’s errors. It not only clears the air of guilt and defensiveness, but often helps solve the problem created by the error.

If we know we are going to be rebuked anyhow, isn’t it far better to beat the other person to it and do it ourselves? Isn’t it much easier to listen to self-criticism than to bear condemnation from alien lips? Read more

“You cannot teach a man anything; you can only help him to find it within himself.”

~Galileo

 

Human Relations Principle #11: Show respect for the other person’s opinions. Never tell a person he or she is wrong.

(“A sure way to making enemies—and how to avoid it.”)

(This is the eleventh in a series of articles where I will encapsulate each of Dale Carnegie’s timeless, life-changing principles for dealing with people. (Adapted from How to Win Friends and Influence People.))*

“One thing only I know, and that is that I know nothing.” ~Socrates

Use a little diplomacy. Don’t argue with your customer or your spouse or your adversary. Don’t tell them they are wrong, don’t get them stirred up.

“Agree with thine adversary quickly.” ~Jesus

You will never get into trouble by admitting that you may be wrong. That will stop all argument and inspire your opponent to be just as fair and open and broad-minded as you are. It will make him want to admit that he, too, may be wrong.

“Men must be taught as if you taught them not;

And things unknown proposed as things forgot.”

~Alexander Pope

How Ben Franklin conquered his habit of arguing

(excerpts from Ben Franklin’s Autobiography)

Ben Franklin tells how he conquered the iniquitous habit of argument and transformed himself into one of the most able, suave and diplomatic men in American history. Read more

“If you argue and rankle and contradict, you may achieve a victory sometimes;

but it will be an empty victory because you will never get your opponent’s good will.”

~Ben Franklin

 

Human Relations Principle #10: The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.

(“You can’t win an argument.”)

(This is the tenth in a series of articles where I will encapsulate each of Dale Carnegie’s timeless, life-changing principles for dealing with people. (Adapted from How to Win Friends and Influence People.))*

“There is only one way under high heaven to get the best of an argument – and that is to avoid it. Avoid it as you would avoid rattlesnakes and earthquakes.”

~Dale Carnegie

Buddha said: “Hatred is never ended by hatred but by love,” and a misunderstanding is never ended by an argument but by tact, diplomacy, conciliation and a sympathetic desire to see the other person’s viewpoint. Read more

“Every man I meet is my superior in some way.

In that, I learn of him.”

~Emerson

Almost everyone considers himself or herself important, very important.

Human Relations Principle 9: Make the other person feel important—and do it sincerely.

(“How to make people like you instantly.”)

(This is the ninth in a series of articles where I will encapsulate each of Dale Carnegie’s timeless, life-changing principles for dealing with people. (Adapted from How to Win Friends and Influence People.))*

“Talk to people about themselves and they will listen for hours.”

~Disraeli

Always make the other person feel important. Ask yourself, “What is there about him or her that I can honestly admire?”

The unvarnished truth is that almost all the people you meet feel themselves superior to you in some way, and a sure way to their hearts is to let them realize in some subtle way that you recognize their importance, and recognize it sincerely.

The pathetic part of it is that frequently those who have the least justification for a feeling of achievement bolster up their egos by a show of tumult and conceit which is truly nauseating . . . Read more

Make yourself agreeable to earn the interest of others.

 

 

 

Human Relations Principle 8: Talk in terms of the other person’s interests.

(“How to interest people.”)

(This is the eighth in a series of articles where I will encapsulate each of Dale Carnegie’s timeless, life-changing principles for dealing with people. (Adapted from How to Win Friends and Influence People.))*

Talk about things you know will interest the other person. Take the trouble to find out what he or she is interested in, and what he or she enjoys talking about.

Talking in terms of the other person’s interests pays off for both parties. You will receive a different reward from each person but in general the reward you will receive will be an enlargement of your life each time you speak to someone . . . Read more

Successful business interaction is not a mystery. Nothing is so praiseworthy and important as paying exclusive attention to the person who is speaking to you.

 

 

Human Relations Principle 7: Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.

(“An easy way to become a good conversationalist.”)

(This is the seventh in a series of articles where I will encapsulate each of Dale Carnegie’s timeless, life-changing principles for dealing with people. (Adapted from How to Win Friends and Influence People.))*

Listening is just as important in your home life as in the world of business. Listen carefully when a family member wants to speak to you. They will know you love them because whenever they want to talk to you about something you stop whatever you are doing and listen to them.

If you want to know how to make people shun you and laugh at you behind your back and even despise you, here is the recipe: Never listen to anyone for long. Talk incessantly about yourself. If you have an idea while the other person is talking, don’t wait for him or her to finish; bust right in and interrupt in the middle of a sentence . . . Read more

“Good manners are made up of petty sacrifices.”

~Emerson

The ability to remember names is important in business, social contacts and, yes, even politics.

 

Human Relations Principle 6: Remember that a person’s name is to him or her the sweetest and most important sound in any language.

(“If you don’t do this, you are headed for trouble.”)

(This is the sixth in a series of articles where I will encapsulate each of Dale Carnegie’s timeless, life-changing principles for dealing with people. (Adapted from How to Win Friends and Influence People.))*

A person’s name sets the individual apart; it makes him or her unique among others.

The information we are imparting or the request we are making takes on a special importance when we approach the situation with the name of the individual. From the waitress to the senior executive, the name will work magic as we deal with others.

People are so proud of their names that they strive to perpetuate them at any cost which is why hospitals, libraries, streets and other monuments are named after prominent people and benefactors.

However, most people don’t remember names, for the simple reason that they don’t take the time and energy necessary to concentrate and repeat and fix names indelibly in their minds. They make excuses for themselves claiming that they can’t do it or they are too busy to take the time. Read more